KNEE JERK NBA

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Monday, June 13, 2011

A Look Back At My Predictions

Way back in October, before the recently completed NBA season began, I did a Twitter-length prediction for each and every team. Some pretty amusing hits and misses. Here are the original, unchanged predictions with some follow-up commentary:

ATLANTIC
1 BOSTON C’s go from old to oldest. Age and injuries finally catch up to Grouchy Green. ECF at best. (Good call- they lost in the East Semis to Heat in 5.)

2 KNICKS Felton’s overrated. Amar’e only plays one end of the floor. They’ll score enough to win half their games. (Also good, NY finished 42-40.)

3 RAPS With Bosh gone, Bargs moves to his natural PF spot. Kleiza signing is a plus. If Calderon’s healthy, they sniff the playoffs. (Waaaay off- 22-60, Kleiza sucked donkey dick.)

4 SIXERS Yuck. Who’s playing C for these clowns? And why did Collins take this shitty job? (Um, no. 41-41 w COY votes for Collins, but I was right about the C position.)

5 NETS Avery’s a good coach. Not good enough to get more than 20 wins out of this lineup, though. (24-58, so pretty close. Kinda.)

CENTRAL
1 BULLS Boozer helps them score more. That’s enough to win this awful division. Noah’s body keeps breaking down. (Nailed it!)

2 BUCKS Bogut’s health is the big factor. With him, they’re competitive. Without? Dog shit. Jennings continues to shoot poorly. (Yes and yes.)

3 CAVS Mo and Antawn put up huge numbers. Big year for Varejao, too. Doesn’t matter. Without LBJ, they’re nothing. (Mo and Antawn gave up, Andy got hurt. Miss.)

4 PISTONS Charlie V and Gordon signings still haunt Dumars. Tayshaun and Rip get moved for picks. Blow it up. (Almost right, Tay's trade is just taking a lot longer than anyone expected.)

5 PACERS Whatever. At least they traded Murphy. Collison will find that playing PG in the NBA is considerably more difficult with a playbook. (Frank Vogel- who knew? Missed on Indy for sure.)

SOUTHEAST
1 HEAT Even with a terrible C platoon, they’ll still crush this division. James and Wade on the same team should mean a trip to the Finals, too. (Yeah, I picked them to rep the East but not win the ring.)

2 MAGIC Dwight Howard needs to cut out that smiling crap if they want to topple Miami. The best big man in the NBA needs to be an intimidator. (Less smiles and more T's.)

3 HAWKS A big step backward. Bibby and Crawford are so bad on D. Jealousy over JJ’s contract. Bad news bears. (Shoulda called Woodson's firing, too. Damn it.)

4 CHARLOTTE Larry Brown’s good behavior grace period ends. Gerald Wallace breaks his everything. Jax resumes tradition of sulking. (Glad Crash is healthy. And a Blazer.)

5 WIZARDS Wall and Arenas play the same spot. Until Gil gets traded, nothing they try will work. Wall’s the real deal, though. Future All-Star. (Yep.)

PACIFIC
1 LAKERS Champs added Matt Barnes and Steve Blake. Easily the class of a weakened West. Only thing that can stop them is injuries. (And Dallas' matchup zone, apparently. Miss.)

2 SUNS Nash makes everyone better. Career year for Hakim Warrick. Losing Amar’e means they’re back to fighting for the 8 spot, though. (FAIL- Warrick was garbage and they were 6 games out of the 8 spot. Boo. Horrible pick.)

3 CLIPS Blake Griffin reminds everyone he’s a #1 pick. Eric Gordon bombs away. Kaman continues his slow descent into madness. (Yes on all counts!)

4 WARRIORS Another team whose 2 best players, Curry and Ellis, are redundant. Loooong year for GS. Some of the shine comes off young Steph. (RIGHT between the EYES!)

5 KINGS Tyreke does his thing again. Everyone else stands around watching. Cousins is too slow footed and foul prone to stay on the floor. (Cousins took advantage of Tyreke's absence to prove me wrong. But I might make this same prediction NEXT year.)

SOUTHWEST
1 MAVS Another 50 win season. Another early playoff exit. Yawn. (Yes, I'm an idiot. But I'm certain I wasn't alone in doubting Dallas.)

2 SPURS As always, Duncan is the key. If he’s healthy, they’re a threat. Pop gets way too much credit for their rings- it’s all about TD. (Wrong! TD plays 76 games and they still get bumped in the 1st round by the Grizz.)

3 ROCKETS They can win 50 with or without Yao. Morey continues to assemble smart, scrappy players. Courtney Lee will fit in nicely. (Nope. Midseason trades and only 42 W's.)

4 HORNETS CP3 phones in the entire season. Peja actually mummifies before our very eyes. (Not even close on CP3, kinda true about Peja.)

5 GRIZZ Contract year for Z-Bo. Ruh roh. OJ Mayo also looks to get his. Gay gets grilled for not justifying his bloated deal. (I sold this entire team very, very short.)

NORTHWEST
1 THUNDER Durant’s not only a top 5 talent but also a consummate leader/teammate. Westbrook and Green thrive in his shadow. Still not good enough to scare LA. (Or Dallas, who beat 'em 4-1 in WCF.)

2 BLAZERS Oh, Oden. Same old story for Mr. Glass. Worth noting that he had one of the league’s best PER's when he was actually on the floor last year. (Microfracture surgery in November- missed whole year.)

3 JAZZ DWill makes it easy for Big Al to step right into Boozer’s shoes. Losing Matthews and Brewer hurts their perimeter D, considerably. (Who saw the DWill/Sloan beef coming?)

4 NUGS Does Melo stay? Does it matter? I really should put them higher but the combustible egos concern me. (Team played well enough after the Melo trade to reach 50 wins.)

5 WOLVES When your best player is Kevin Love, you’re fucked. Ricky Rubio speaks enough English to know this, as well. (Love was an All-Star and Rubio just announced he's coming. Herp derp.)

In summary, I slept on Dallas and gave entirely too much credit to Linas Kleiza and Hakim Warrick. But overall, I was solid. I'll have to try again whenever these greedy motherfuckers decide it's okay to have another season.

pictured: Most Improved? Not so much.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Nash & Nowitzki Retrospective

Dirk's on the precipice of a championship while his best bud Nash sits at home. Doesn't feel quite right, does it? Things might be different if Cuban didn't opt for Erick Dampier instead of the eventual two-time MVP. But I digress.

Here are my 5 favorite pictures of the erstwhile Dynamic Duo:


Dirk's either saying what's up to Buck Showalter or ordering two more lagers from the bierfrau. Nash, meanwhile, is rolling his tits off.


This is why I love Steve Nash. In a league of image conscious egomaniacs, he's always down to play the fool.


Cowboy Up, as they say. Most surprising thing about this masterpiece? That Cuban can actually carry Dirk without throwing his back out. Nice Mom jeans and Mavericks Intensity t-shirt, Mark.


Just a hunch but I bet the bros were really into Moby back in the day. Donnie Boozeface looks hammered as usual.


Speaking of hammered...ahem. Perhaps the greatest photo in NBA history. This is probably the night Dirk met Crystal Taylor.

Best of luck to you, Dirk. Bring home the title for the little guy...and all the humble homies that just want to get wasted and dance with their shirts unbuttoned.